How to Not Burn Saucepans: Chapter 1.6 - Self Care Wrap-Up

Personal Hygiene

When I was a kid, I had an aversion to showering. I’m not sure why but I disliked it so much that I used to sometimes try to fool caregivers by wetting my hair under the sink and telling them that I’d showered (it didn’t work). As I got older, my parents stopped intervening as much with my self care. I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t get much better at showering. It was problematic particularly as I entered puberty and started smelling more. I knew I should bathe more frequently but couldn’t seem to make it happen. Part of the issue may be that I don’t have a particularly acute sense of smell. It doesn’t really bother me to sit around all day in sweaty workout clothes.

‍

I’ve gotten better as an adult and do generally shower before I leave the house. When I’m at home all day though (which is most days as I work from home), I need prompting to remember to wash my face, tidy up my bed hair and shower in the evening. I’ve plugged those routines into the Focus Bear app because otherwise I downplay the importance and skip those habits in favour of whatever I’m hyperfocusing on.

‍

One other note here is that part of the reason I prefer working from home is because I feel quite self conscious. I worry that people think my choice of clothes is odd (I prioritise comfort over style) or that I’ll start smelling bad by the end of the day (even with deodorant). The cost of masking/musking is real for me and I am much happier working from home.

‍

Dealing with chaos

Sticking to my routines requires stability. Part of the battle is mental - some days I find it hard to will myself to get out the door for the run. Most days when I’m at home that isn’t too hard. It has become ingrained in me to do that first thing. When I’m away from home though, the rituals feel harder. Travel tends to upset my routines. Delayed flights, added social commitments, impaired sleep and unfamiliar surroundings conspire to make me less likely to do my full routine. 

‍

I have two solutions:

1. Minimise travel: travel is always going to be disruptive to me. I try to make its impacts less intense by flying during the day (evening/morning flights mess up my sleep), staying in an apartment rather than a hotel room so I can cook, travelling with my wife so I have her for emotional support and sticking to my normal bedtime.
   ‍
2. Have minimum viable routines: something is better than nothing. If I can’t go out for a run because I’m worried I’ll get lost, I can do a cardio workout indoors. I might not have time for the full routine because I’ve got an early morning meeting in person but I can do some of it. 

‍

When I’m back home, things normally click back into place pretty quickly. Hopefully I’ll get better at adapting my routine when I’m away from home since that’s actually when I need self care practices more than any other time.

‍

‍

Self Care Wrap-Up

Hyperfocus is the biggest enemy of self care for me. In order to sleep, eat and exercise consistently and have some degree of calmness throughout the day, I have to channel hyperfocus appropriately and especially be willing to turn it off at night. While it would be nice to intuitively take care of myself, I find that leaving it to my in-the-moment brain (hot executive functions) simply does not work. Instead, I need to use my planning brain (cold executive functions) to set up structure. I personally like using apps (mainly Focus Bear) for creating and following structured routines but there are many other options:

‍

• Remember them/chain habits (Works fine for a handful of habits but tends to collapse under the weight of a complex routine)
  ‍
• Chore charms/reminder bracelets (I don’t like the feel of things on my wrist but a lot of ADHDers find them helpful)
  ‍
• Put a list of habits on the wall somewhere obvious (Can work but attentional blindness can be an issue - perhaps re-write them regularly to keep them fresh)
  ‍
• Put routines into your calendar (I find this is a bit inflexible and annoying to change but a lot of people like this)
  ‍
• Recruit a friend/hire someone to guide you through your routine (hard to find the right person but it would work well if you can find them!)
  ‍
• Set up multiple phone alarms (works for some people - I find it annoying and too easy to skip)
  ‍
• Use Alexa/Google Voice/Apple Home to remind you (I don’t want to have a surveillance device in my house but I like the voice approach)

‍

You’ll probably gravitate towards a different approach to me. What works for a while may stop working after some time. The key thing is to keep experimenting until you find a structure that works for you in your current circumstances. As your circumstances change, the structure may need to change too.

‍

←Previous: Chapter 1.5 - Attaining equanimity

Next→: Chapter 2 – Study

‍

Back to Index: How to Not Burn Saucepans – Table of Contents

‍