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An ominous hissing was the first sign that something was wrong. Deep in a state of hyperfocus, I continued coding on my laptop, impervious to the outside world. Suddenly there was a tremendous bang—from the pressure cooker. Startled from my reverie, I leapt up and began scraping lentil stew off the ceiling whilst rehearsing the apology to my parents. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last cooking disaster I inflicted on my loved ones. Nor was this the only type of misadventure I had.
My combination of ADHD and autism has many upsides: I’m a lot more creative than average, cope well under pressure and am pretty good at cleaning up messes. However, the downsides have been considerable and it’s only in recent years that I’ve gotten a “handle” on them. As I write this, I’ve only burnt saucepans twice in the last year - progress!
I’m writing this book to distil life skills I’ve had to learn the hard way. I’ve read a lot of books about productivity, finance, relationships, goal setting, resilience, etc. and some of it is helpful but much of it is written from a neurotypical perspective. As someone with both ASD and ADHD, I have a distinct set of challenges and also strengths. My hope is that the process of writing will crystallise the life approaches that work for me and potentially help other AuDHDers. The principles I’ll share are based on personal experience and shaped by interviews with more than 85 neurodivergent guests on my podcast (Focus and Chill).
Let’s start with a bit about me. I’m 37 years old, live in Australia and have managed to cobble together a pretty good life. I’m married to a lovely woman - we’ve been together for nine years. My physical health and fitness are solid: I run 5k in under 20 minutes, can bench press my wife’s body weight (she only weighs 48kg but I’m a skinny ectomorph so this is a big achievement 😂), have a consistent sleep schedule at 9.30pm and eat a healthy diet. In 2022, I sold my startup Smooth Messenger to a multinational company which was a massive (and unexpected) win financially and career wise. I live in a nice little house near the beach that we just renovated.
Overall I’m pretty satisfied with my life. It’s not perfect but compared to my recent history, things are hunky dory. My teens and early twenties were tough. I experienced bullying in high school and struggled with anxiety. Although I did well academically, I floundered after graduating from uni. I was fired from five jobs and had major financial difficulties, racking up $50k in unsecured debt. My health wasn’t great - I dealt with my anxiety through exercise bulimia: binge eating and then forcing myself to go on long runs/bike rides (25+ hours of exercise per week) to burn off the excess calories. I struggled with relationships: I didn’t have my first romantic relationship until I was 24 and despite my eagerness, it ended within 6 months as did the three relationships that followed.
A lot of what I went through is pretty standard coming-of-age stuff for young people. However, I feel that my (at the time undiagnosed) ADHD and ASD made it harder for me than it perhaps was for other people my age. I’m a fast learner when it comes to academic concepts but life skills..I must’ve missed that subject at school. Other people seemed to intuitively grasp how to deal with schoolyard repartee, hold down a job, manage their finances, be on time for appointments, pack for trips, date, do university assignments without pulling all nighters, shower consistently, cook curry without burning saucepans, deal with stress in a constructive manner, play with children, give feedback to a co-worker, comfort a sad friend…
At one point, as I was on the verge of getting fired for the third time, I said to my manager “I’m sorry for screwing up again. I think I need to go read some books to get better.” She replied “I don’t think this is the kind of problem a book will help with”.
Let’s see if I can prove her wrong. Writing this book has been cathartic—and if even a few of these hard-won lessons help someone else, it’ll be worth it.
What we’ll cover
The book covers six major life domains:
I’ve distilled tips and approaches that work for me in each section. Feel free to read the book sequentially or jump to the sections which are most relevant to you.
Hi I'm Jeremy, and I understand the challenges of living with ASD and ADHD.
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